I have been forgiving you
Since the moment
I learned
But how can I respond
When you ask me for forgiveness now
Long after
I have cried my tears
Long after
I have stitched my heart
And coaxed it
To heal
How can I say
I forgive you
When the forgiveness I extended
For so long
Went unseen
How can you ask
“Forgive me”
When you never acknowledged
Your wrong?

I cannot be the one
To give you a badge
That says you have crossed
From that to this

I cannot be the one
To say,
Yes, now you are doing it right.

I did cry a river.
And then I moved my tent
And planted a new garden
New flowers
In new dirt
And I wait painstakingly
To see what grace will emerge
From my pain.

You hurt me.
Instead of speaking truth
You hid it
And when I found it
You ran away
And never looked back
Leaving me
To clear away the shrapnel,
My ears still ringing.

You slipped away slowly
Then quickly
As I grasped at ways to help
Ways to bring you back to life and love.
An honest parting of ways,
An honest confession that you did not love me
An honest word that,
Our time was good but it was over
Would have been a welcome balm.
I grieved that you did not count it worth your own pain
To tell me it was over,
Instead leaving me bewildered
Left to assume what must be true.

I forgive you and forgave you already,
But how can I be your priest
And absolve you of your wrong?
How can I forgive
What you never confessed?

Do not say to me,
“Forgive me, I have changed.”
Tell me the wrongs
That you now recognize
And tell me that you understand
Even a small bit
Of how I must have felt.
Tell me that at last
You feel a little bit
Of my pain
As I once felt yours
So deeply.
Tell me you are sorry.
You are so, so, sorry.



A few of my favorite online bible resources:

Biblos–allows you to look at numerous translations and languages, compare translations, look up greek and hebrew, and view pictures and historical information

Faith Comes by Hearing–allows you to listen to the bible streaming online, or to download a free version onto your computer

Entry 6: “Something New”

I just finished watching a movie called “Something New” with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker (2006). Briefly it is the story of a young black professional woman, Kenya, who is still looking for “the one”, when she is set up on a date by a co-worker. Her date turns out to be a white landscape architect. Throughout the movie you watch both Kenya and her backyard blossom, as she begins to discover what it is she really wants and who she is.

This movie stirred me deeply. It artfully and poignantly highlights a lot of questions of race in America, with a kind of frankness that I find refreshing. It also highlights some values which go even deeper than race or any other demographic divide–the importance of loving, forgiving, and living your life without fear of what others may think of you.

The truth of this movie reminds me that the reality of racial divides is a very real, very difficult and very ugly truth. I want to live in the truth regardless of the continual discomfort it may bring. I also want to live in such love and forgiveness, that even in seeing the ugly face of truth I can fill it with grace and move forward in courage.