I am Loved
December 18, 2011
I was used to feeling lonely
I was used to feeling pain
But since He’s touched me with His Love
I’ll never be the same
.
I was used to feeling anxious
I was comforted by fear
Encircled by my restless thoughts
And holding worry near
.
Without these I was naked
I needed them to feel
Like the world wasn’t empty
Like there was something real
.
These impulses seduced my soul;
A friend as near as death
They mothered me and smothered me
With every passing breath
.
I didn’t really think
I could be loved, be satisfied
And so I banged at pots and pans
My loneliness to hide
.
Love caught me off guard, I didn’t
Expect to meet his eyes
He caught me in exhaustion
When I had fumbled my disguise
.
His kindness somehow made it past
My walls, and there it found
My desert heart, and with one drop
Of moisture wet the ground
.
As dry, as hard, as mean, as rude
I knew myself to be
That one drop stayed and each day made
Me thirstier for He
.
I pretended that I hadn’t seen
Pretended nothing changed
But inwardly I searched for ways
to taste a drop again
.
So one day, when I thought no one
would see, I went to spy
and meant to steal a secret glance
of Love as He went by
.
I didn’t know that when
I looked at Love, He’d look at me
And see the things
I never wanted anyone to see
.
What great pain and what delight
Came from that single stare
As if the fire of heaven and hell
Both made their home in there
.
The fire burned me alive—
Or rather burned up all my dead
desires, bones and briers
Leaving me alive instead
.
Amazement, sheer amazement
Only Me and Love remained
And though I didn’t know it then
I’d found my lifelong friend
.
I’d felt a touch that made me feel,
My soul was full and free
I’d met someone who cared enough
To care for me—for me!
.
I was desert, but he watered me
He made my dry earth bloom
He comforted my weary heart
And loved me like a groom
.
And though sometimes I hear the knock
of fear, my frail old friend
I know that I am loved!
And I shall ne’er go back again.
