I am Loved

I was used to feeling lonely

I was used to feeling pain

But since He’s touched me with His Love

I’ll never be the same

.

I was used to feeling anxious

I was comforted by fear

Encircled by my restless thoughts

And holding worry near

.

Without these I was naked

I needed them to feel

Like the world wasn’t empty

Like there was something real

.

These impulses seduced my soul;

A friend as near as death

They mothered me and smothered me

With every passing breath

.

I didn’t really think

I could be loved, be satisfied

And so I banged at pots and pans

My loneliness to hide

.

Love caught me off guard, I didn’t

Expect to meet his eyes

He caught me in exhaustion

When I had fumbled my disguise

SCARLET IS GOING TO HOUSTON!

Hello everyone!  I want to share the exciting news with you all that I have been accepted to be a part of MissionYear’s Arts Team in Houston, Texas.

Next September I will be living in Houston for a year in a house along with 4 or 5 other twenty-somethings. We will practice community living and hospitality. We will be living in a poor urban neighborhood, with a large immigrant population. We will be learning how to live out the love of Jesus Christ with one another and with our neighbors. We will be learning how to reach out to the community in practical ways.

My life dream is to be a missionary– someone who brings positive change to both the physical and spiritual landscape of the community. I believe this program is the next step in my journey.

In order to be able to serve as a volunteer next year, I will need to raise $12,000 of support. MissionYear will match up to $2,000 of what I raise in December. Please consider supporting me with any amount that you are able. You can donate online by going to my support page:

https://www.missionyear.org/support/scarletponder

To support me, just fill in my name (Scarlet Ponder) and Support ID Number (12-9006)

EVERY DOLLAR OF SUPPORT YOU GIVE IN DECEMBER WILL BE DOUBLED!

Thank you in advance for your love, encouragement, and generosity!

Join also my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Support-Scarlet-to-serve-with-the-MissionYear-Houston-Arts-Team/316515688359662

Let me know if you would like to be on my email list to recieve the latest news on my journey

Everybody’s free to wear sunscreen

Lyrics from one of my favorite songs, by Baz Lahrmann. Enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

The Lonely Road

This is a journal entry that I wrote several months ago. I recently came across it, and I was stunned at how directly it spoke to my heart. I want to share it as an encouragement– not because I have perfectly overcome loneliness, but because I still struggle sometimes with that feeling. I believe God will help me to be completely full of joy, so I don’t have to be lonely–but it is a journey and a struggle nonetheless.

 

No one can get my oil for me,

I must get my own.

Nobody can dig this well for me,

I must dig my own

No one can pray this prayer for me,

I must pray alone

 

There is a wellspring deeper in me

Deeper than my most intimate friend can touch

Deeper than my father can reach

Deeper than my mother can know

 

Their words fall in like pennies

And the water below rises in anticipation

To hear them falling, falling, echoing

A sound that resonates and vibrates in my soul—

But the waters wait untouched

Prayer

I can’t help but pray in the streets

The world is too loud

To keep my prayers quiet

Wisdom crying out on sidewalks

Justice begging at the doors of city hall

 

Anxiety climbing my throat like a slender monster

Pacing my stomach and spinning the thoughts in my head

And my spirit pushing upward, pushing through the stopped up well

My spirit crying out for me to rise

My spirit hungry to slip into the chambers

Of the King of Heaven’s realm

My spirit knowing every day

That whispered prayers

Can tear a nation down or build it up

That spirit words

can turn suicide to hope

deception to sincerity

depression to creative zeal

anger to a well of healing tears

 

I know that every hour of prayer

Is a coat of oil

On my body

Igniting,

Burning off the old dead skin

 

I know that every hour of prayer

Makes me shine

A lighthouse reaching out

For shipwrecked souls

 

I know that every word

That I whisper to the King

And every word he whispers back

Strengthens me

Sustains me to my core

So that no war on earth

Can shake me from this passion,

From this place

Knowing this, how can I help

But seek His face?

Wanted:

A man who will sit at home with me while I work on bills and sorting papers. A man who will ride along with me when I need to run errands.

A man who will kiss me passionately but then stop before it goes too far and totally respect my boundaries

A man who enjoy passing time with me but will be okay with me moving across the country in 10 months.

A man who spends time in prayer and in the presence of God and who loves the word of God

A man who wants to do something bigger than himself and isn’t afraid to take on a challenge

A man who enjoys dancing and who knows how to lead

A man who challenges me and isn’t intimidated by me

A man who takes me on adventures that I would not have imagined (and I have a good imagination…)

A man who won’t think I’m crazy when I speak in tongues and pace when I pray

But then again, I may be expecting too much. Anyone seen a man like this?

Review of the Year:

Since it has been some time since I’ve been blogging, and I intend to start blogging again… here are some highlights since I last wrote:

April 2011:

Went to visit my Dad in Oakland.

Got a job at Logos Bible Software doing bilingual customer service. (So I get to use my Spanish more! Yay!)

June 2011:

Moved into my first apartment

Went on a trip to the Oregon Coast with the girlfriends

August 2011:

Started dancing salsa again with Rumba Northwest. I’m having a blast taking Salsa Rueda with Antonio and Heather, who are both fantastic dance instructors.

September 2011:

Named employee of the month for customer service at Logos

November 2011:

My beautiful and talented friend, Sarah Furler, officially moved in with me to stay until she goes off to film school. We have talked about being roommates since High School and I’m so blessed to have her!

And…

I was accepted for a yearlong internship with MissionYear in Atlanta, GA, where I will be living and doing urban outreach in a poor intercity neighborhood.

I’m now kicking into high gear to raise $12,000 in support.  MissionYear will match up to $2,000 of what I raise in December. My goal is to raise $2012 by 2012!

My first fundraiser: Poinsettias.  I will keep y’all posted on my blog and on facebook!

–

Other items of note:

I have gotten to see some awesome live Cuban bands and meet some amazing and fun people at salsa events.

I continue to lead a bible study at my church in an overview of the Old Testament.

I still lead worship and preach at church and at the Bellingham Rehab Center on a regular basis.

I have also been running on a weekly basis since July—a fact that I am very proud of, since I have not always been good about incorporating regular exercise into my schedule, least of all running.

So that’s my year in nutshell. Much more to come in future posts

Free

I just don’t have it in me

to put on a face tonight

don’t have the heart to say

that things are black when they are white

 

You’ve gotta take your season when it comes

If you don’t take it, someone else will—and then it won’t be

your season anymore

now will it?

 

No more empty

I am full

I dream of a life

So free that its crazy

And then I start to cut the strings

And fall

Its full and fresh

I sink into the rushing air

And sleep like it’s a cushion—hazy

Recovering from hammers on my head

I’m slipping now

As I move like Jesus

Through the padlocked doors

And no one, no one can follow me in

A secret room

A hidden room

I’m safe

And I am free

 

~Scarlet Ponder

 

Water in the desert

I feel a pressing in my spirit to start writing again. Not to write for God, not to write for others, but because my spirit needs to write—like the prophets who preached to the desert, who preached because it needed to be preached even in the barren, empty, open spaces. I need to speak spirit words, words that are true, words that must be said even if they are never understood.

More and more I realize I can’t live without God. I can’t live without his Spirit. I hear his Spirit speak to me. I can’t apologize for that.

I realize that I absolutely love how God changes people’s lives, really changes there lives in a lasting way.

I watch people receiving prayer, drinking the words like a desert sucking up a monsoon. A desert so dry that it sucks monsoon after monsoon, flood after flood, like it has to drink the water down to the core of the earth. I feel the water coming, bringing relief. I feel it to as I start crying, realizing that I can’t be hard anymore, I can’t be sad anymore, I can’t or striving or wrestling no more. I cry and release and give in to all of the breakers and waves crashing over me. There are no words to express how His words release the secrets of my soul, how His words build me and pull out the dearest desires and direst fears.

No one can tell me prayer doesn’t work. Nothing else does. And just as my anger starts to build, just as I accuse myself again of being stubborn, of running from God’s plans—his grace floods me with tears again and I’m laughing hysterically at how much he loves me, like one who just found out that they’re not going to die.

I have no proof except my own heart. Jesus makes me free in a way that nothing else can.

Today is…

It’s a new day!

Arise and Shine!

All hopes are new

Within this lovely morning

His winds have blown

His breath of life

To fill us with His Spirit

And His Truth

See His Life

Sun shining through the window

of our gloom

And making it as nothing

For his word has blown

All the dust away

He’s blown the dust away

And all that’s left of mourning

Is the light of gorgeous dawn

The dawn that rises in our eyes

As we lift our heads to see

His face

He is the one, the everlasting

Light-

Today is bright.

~Scarlet Ponder